Self-assurance not self-awareness drives performance.
Realistic assessment of difficulty & unrealistic optimism in ability will overcome challenges.
How to build strength in a shipwrecked person to bounce back or a vulnerable child with low self-esteem to race through the beautiful life?….. this is not a moment’s fix, it’s a continuous appraisal over a period, possible only in a stable long-term relationship:
SHOW CONFIDENCE IN THEM & ALSO IN YOURSELF:
Believe in the person. Entrust your confidence in them. Stay assured they will do it!
Things you say about yourself can damage your child’s self-esteem. Children learn a great deal from copying adults close to them. If you overreact to situations or pressure, your child may worry you really can’t handle life’s challenges. This won’t set your child an example of a positive, optimistic attitude to life and how to handle problems.
SHOW EMPATHY:
Listen to them carefully, repeat what you’ve heard to make sure you understood correctly and give positive prompts to encourage them to continue speaking. Acknowledge their feelings and help express them verbally. Accept any fears or insecurities they express as genuine, even if they seem trivial to you, don’t just brush them aside.
Reassure that it’s OK to make mistakes and that it’s all part of life/growing up. Laugh with them – never at them.
SHOW RESPECT :
Respect their interests even if they seem boring to you. Take a genuine interest in their friends, and what’s happening at school/work place/home, and comment to show you’re listening.
SHOW PRIDE:
Focus on whatever they can succeed at. Encourage them to take chances and try new things.
Praise , looking them in the eye & using their name, saying specifically what you liked. Avoid praising with a sting in the tail.
Give frequent , genuine positive feedback on the efforts they put into tasks as well as the outcomes they achieved. Celebrate - for they measure their worth and achievements by what we think of them.
SHOW SUPPORT:
Reprimanding comments make them feel even worse than they do already for failing at something. Instead, try to give support by saying something like: “Oh no, you tried, but it didn’t work. Never mind. Next time you could succeed.” It’s not only the critical things said directly that can undermine confidence, even if they overhear you tell someone things like “she’s so clumsy” they might think you really believe this and feel it can’t be changed.
Criticise behaviour, not the person. Be clear that it’s an action you’re angry about & not them.
Too many negative remarks can result in them believing they’re useless or stupid.
All the following can damage one’s confidence:
- Saying you don’t like them
- Saying you wish they’d never been there
- Insults or unkind remarks
- Deliberately ridiculing things they do or feel
- Cruel teasing and sarcasm
- Endless nagging
- Aggressive shouting and swearing
