Home rules:

1. Follow a regular schedule/ritual & inform beforehand if anything falls outside the schedule.
2. Clean up mess.
3. Don’t yell/bang. Be kind & respect others views & property.
4. Have fun by organizing an experience which fulfills other’s need. Hvae a adrressal slot like a dinnertime/family night.
5. Empower everyone with equitable responsibilities & regarding financial transactions.

Family traditions:

1. Celebrate birthdays, festivals, vacations, yearly goals, interests. This boosts social development & emotions of cohesiveness.
2. Keeping the event predictable & consistent as much as possible increases happiness.
3. Pre-requisites:
   • energy, so have regular exercise, good diet & sleep.
   • dish out chores based on what others like to do.
   • don’t pack too many to-dos.
   • keep it less rigid.

Avoid feeling frantic/snappish:

1. focus more on making the event happy rather than great or appreciative.
2. perfect details are seldom registered by others.
3. sometimes mistakes make good memories.
4. let events unfold & have fun in the moment.

Avoid nagging:

• suggest tasks without using words or limit to 1word.
• instead of insisting on time, ask “will you be able to complete the task before this event [state the need for that time]
• decline the task rather than breaking a promise.
• avoid annoyances by having clear assignments of chores based on personal priorities.
• if you want something done your way, do it yourself.
• show others the change you want in them by being an example yourself.
• instead of getting uptight, settle for a partial victory or decide you don’t mind.
• don’t push others for the impossible without considering their competencies.
• if you can afford, hire a maid or buy ready-made, rather than compromise happiness by having a conflict.

Rules to Fight right:

• don’t assume. gather info of others stance before confronting for an argument.
• focus on several ideas about what is the most equitable distribution of responsibility regarding the conflict issue.
• select a neutral spot, decide who will be present & who will speak first, schedule adequate time for everyone to express their resentment.
• have ground rules for respectful behaviour. ban anger, yelling, swear words, personal attacks, petty attacks, accusations, expressions/movements which show irritation/frustration. Take breaks[20min] when emotions get uptight to let in logic.
• don’t prove yourself right, but acknowledge other’s view & before responding slow down with “let me understand what it is you exactly wanted to convey”
• close a difficult conversation mentioning a happy memory or a lovable quality about the other.

Maneuvering the 3 dead-ends:

1. persisting argument with no end –
   • put it aside & do something that both the parties like.
   • simultaneously think about what is really bothering, is it a deisre ofr respect or control…
   • after the break, hear to each other’s points. sometimes problems resolve just by being heard.
2. demands/duties blocking future orientation-
   • share your wishes
   • compare each other’s top 3 goals & reasons.
   • participate together in an activity.
3. disagreeing agreably-
   • help others to change.
   • speak to common interests.
   • make a compromise which you can live with.

Dealing with difficult relatives:

• pre-state the ending time of the get-together [like you have somewhere to go by this time]so that that power to end will facilitate tolerability & lessen stress-provoked outbursts.
• pre-meditate on how to behave. don’t react in the moment. be light-hearted [calm, friendly; angry, defensive, suspicious] Act the way you want to feel.
• increase exposure with the person which in-turn raises tolerance for the person.
• unless your deeply held principles are violated, respect others priorities.
• all severity that does not increase good or evil should be ignored.
• others remarks will sting less if you know your values.
• agree to disagree.
• show interest with open-ended questions, not specific.
• its not polite or effective to point out others mistakes or criticise others choices.
• sometimes you can behave nicely for others happiness, even if you can pitch a battle for your happiness.

Decluttering tips:

• get rid of things you have’nt used since more than 6mos.
• don’t store / repair / organize / categorise.
• don’t wait choosing recipients.
• just imagine will it really be that terrible if you get rid of it.
• cut down on the number of trophies you need for each memorable event.
• prefer keeping an empty shelf.

Grit is showing up again and again to get really good at a specific passion by taking long enough time and continuous effort.

Not swerving from the big picture by restraining from jumping goals. Forcing to think of goals as continuous process and not as a single glamorous sprint.
Motivating yourself by relying on effort and not contending in your abilities.
Sustenance for the finishing 1000th step than the impulsive 1st step for strict consistency. Then , success becomes a matter of when,not if; inevitable,not luck

Nobody is talented enough to not have to work hard, and that’s what grit allows you to do.

Cultivating a gritty attitude:

1. try to make it on your own.Cut your purse strings and sponsors.[could be unrealistic in some instances]
2. clarify your goals, initially choose more attainable goals.
3. do only 70% capturing core concepts, possible in this given time. later fill-up the gaps during more relevant specific pursuits.
4. refuse interruptions, decline all that that doesn’t entertain your strengths.
5. use antidepressants for more general low mood.
6. gain knowledge through spaced repetitions. Work steadily. Never resist sleep when tired.
7. after experimenting with different strategies[routines,chunking to easiest starting task,deleting temptations], choose one that lowers your burn rate in the long run. Preserve health.
8. do not let external incentives to choke out your intrinsic motivations.
9. know the worst case, to control and work on ways to extend the deadline to current lifestyle [from debt,overwork, lack of growth].
10. think of inspiring daily heroes.

Navigating a storm:

1. Decide to enhance your leadership skills by testing yourself in the thick of crisis which is superior than leading in good times or studying others navigating troubled times.
2. Be willing to ask for help. Going alone won’t be effective; rely on a mentor, an internal management group and an external support group.
3. Stay true to your principles and implement permanent solutions without masking real problems to ensure a long lasting recovery and a sustainable future.
4. Express your vulnerabilities, concerns, doubts. This encourages potentially unforeseen problems to be voiced sooner.
5. Aggressively take action to make major changes that strengthen the organization, since it’s a rare opportunity of lessened resistance than at good times.
6. Rethink your industry’s strategy on the changing needs of your customers in these bad times.
7. Launch an unconventional strategy to emerge as a leader.
8. Make your strengths the basis of competition while exposing the competitor’s weaknesses. Go on offence to win now and reshape the market to play to your strengths.
9. Eliminate your weaknesses [slow bureaucracy] to be competitive.
10. Apart from keeping afloat, devise a post-crisis’s strategy.
11. Stress on sound execution. Assign the best people and keep them accountable for completion of tasks upto the minute detail while always keeping plans flexible and consistent to changing times.

There are opportunities that will be created that don’t even exist yet. Just be there. They’ll come. We are all on the road, and the end is not fixed.

• cognitive dissonance, refers to what we do when our beliefs and actions misalign. When we can’t change the cold, hard facts, we change our beliefs! [eg. when a girlfriend makes her lover wait or fret for her, he will rationalize it by deciding he loves her]
• confronted with one disruption to our daily routine, we become more open to other changes. When things break, we enter the right mind-frame for breaking our old habits as well.
• comparison with context helps us to understand how much we love or value something or willing to care for someone. Context moulds our perseption [eg. same food portion in a small plate rather than a big plate, satietes more]
• happiness depends on what we can easily imagine/avail & the ‘don’t have state’ is more easily imaginable but after getting it we adapt overtime to the new level of stimulation.
• anchoring is the seeding of a NEW initial desicion that influences future decisions to will into a string of habit.
• product framed as ‘free’, is more attractive with only upside, than discounting/free shipping/removing taxes.
• social force & market force are not additive, when one comes other one goes away. Social norms protect, build trust & confidence, so hiding money[market norm] inefficiently in the form of gifts[social norm] is a good deal since valuable relationships are preserved.
• emotions are a crucial driver & multiventer.[eg. in hot state, the promises previously made in cold state(like adhering to condoms) are broken. We just aren’t the same person all the time. In our cold, dispassionate state, we stick to our long-term goals (I will lose ten pounds); but when we become emotionally aroused, our short-term wants take the helm (Oh but I am hungry, so I’ll have that slice of cake). And what’s worse, we consistently fail to realize just how differently we’ll act and feel once aroused]
• heightened sensitivity to short-term, make us forget the longterm goals. Some frailabilities[like procrastination] can be overcome if we give them the right tool [like option of presetting a deadline with a downside for failing to attain it].
• the buyer & seller have 2differrent perspectives not on what they give & get in the transaction but focusing more on what they tend to give up. So seller has a higher price for giving up ownership.
• fear of loss/ giving up options makes us think that more options/flexibility is better. So when other doors are threathened to disappear, we try to open to keep the options open rather than dedicate all attention,energy,affection to the one [eg.relation] that stands long chance of survining.
• reality gets reinforced/influenced by what we expect of it [placebo effect].