so am feeling like an adult: its time to think about characteristics suiting my nature’s intimacy/tolerance (daring to think about this despite the utter failure phase & incompetent character i’ve become from compromise & abuse & duress)
Ethical standards that check envy/hate:
- ethical: Before during or after (conscientious), thought word deed (interactions), do not hurt or lie to anyone (solution or honesty).
- individuality: recognise willfully rather than unchosen dependency or group think.
- responsible: over issues arising from one’s heirarchy in group dynamics.
- righteous: randomised trial evidence-based policies.
Love for possessions,levels of energy,habits:
- decor: aesthetic uncluttered utility-based
- style: cuddly relations +functional communication
- habits: neat-clean with time-energy logic
- co-autopilot: cooking for health-taste-texture, bulk routine for chores-errands
- hobbies: athletic nonstrategic informal games,DIYkits,GReader feeds,Kindle books,blogging
Co-Exploring unknown exciting challenging ideas:
- biological mechanisms
- DIY workshops: art,electronics,mechanics
- psychology
- design: systems,checklists,coding
- interpreting statistics
Life contentment in haves/have nots:
- principled
fame,love,respect,charm - kind solitude
uncivilized society - read&execute ideas
succeed,happy,stagnant career - economical bland lifestyle
elaborate,exotic,trend,culture
TENDENCIES/INSECURITIES TO EVEN OUT DIFFERENCES:
- procrastination: EMPOWERING VIGILANCE RESPECTING AUTONOMITY
- turbulence: BANISH TO UNINTERRUPTING ATMOSPHERE
- indignity: HUMBLE INDIFFERENCE
- emptiness-awkward-worrying: SMILE & VALUE
- contradiction: TO-READ LIST
SURPRISES to maintain infatuation
LIVE-IN relation commitment contract to ascertain personality/socio-economic compatibility(Compatibility is an achievement of love; it shouldn’t be its precondition.)
[from PBwiki]
1. The best places to meet eligible o-> are clubs and groups based on common interests.
-Sports clubs or charity tournaments like trips, bicycling,tennis,golf
-professional or social organizations like engineering associations
-events that give a chance to socialize with other club members.
2. Have an active social life
the sharing game from Arthur Aron’s book ‘Handbook of Closeness and Intimacy’ to accelerate the getting-to-know-you process in an hr through crafting the following questions:
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
7. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
8. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
9. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
10.If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
11.If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?
12.Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
13.What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
14.What do you value most in a friendship?
15.What is your most treasured memory?
16.What is your most terrible memory?
17.What does friendship mean to you?
18.What roles do love and affection play in your life?
19.How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
20.Complete this sentence:”I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”
21.If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
22.Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
23.Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
24.When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
25.Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
26.What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
27.Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
when people are free to choose what type of discussions they want to have, they often gravitate toward an equilibrium that is easy to maintain but one that no one really enjoys or benefits from.
posing questions that are considered outside of generally accepted bounds, controversial topics -personally revealing: share their innermost fears or told the story of losing their virginity- created much livelier enjoyable conversations.
“how many romantic partners did you have?”,
“When was your last breakup?”,
“Do you have any STDs?”,
“Have you ever broken someone’s heart?”,
“How do you feel about abortion?”).