Critic’s view could be:
- they are expecting something of more better quality.
- a reaction to uncertainity on failing to understand the full picture.
- to build status.
- benefits some ulterior motive or feeds their ego out of sheer envy.
- or it may just be a differrent point of view because of an uncommon ground.
When should you criticize?
“If you are ready to BE PART OF THE SOLUTION,only then criticize.”
“If it gives you PAIN to criticize, then give the constructive criticism. But if it gives pleasure,then DON’T.”
What spoken helps being part of the solution when it [provided the receiver is sincere & healthy]-
- offers a tool/TECHNIQUE which reasonably works out & engages flow.
- gives an insight, the clarity of which removes the stuck feeling & builds positive attitude.
- may also help improve awareness & has potential to challenge one to be more inquisitive & clear in one’s claims. When then, they are channelled towards making them real, a visionary leader can be born.
But, if you are too rational while suggesting, you may sound harsh or mean. And it negates compliance & the very purpose of criticising to bring about change is defeated.
But, if you are too sensitive while empathizing, you may look irrational or foolish or sentimental. Though, concern motivates action, at times it may backfire.
May be by understanding psychological workings, one can tick the best optimum between rationality & sensitivity. Is it practically possible to reach that optimum?
How to criticize productively?
“When feedback comes from someone whose face is also marred by the same dust and sweat and blood…not just shouting from the sidelines whenever they happen to feel particularly irked or impressed” it is valued.
Try blending your negativity:
- restrict to do so in areas where you can relate or have credibility or shared experience.
- precede your critique by acknowledging your distance to the matter. Then the chance your feedback gets listened to, goes up.
- “You must be really busy in ways I don’t understand,” observe the knowing nod, and then get to the criticism.
How to respond to criticism?
- Get inside their perspective & talk to them like people ( few will have the energy to still remain mad). Without dismissing, apologize on your part in arousing those feelings for them, even though you are not responsible. Stay professional & calmly clarify their assumptions.Respond only once (take your shot & go home), don’t engage in back-and-forth name calling.
- Check by debugging. Don’t listen to any one, listen to everyone, or better yet do a RANDOMISED DOUBLE BLINDED PLACEBO CONTROLLED TRIAL & compare with the truth you know as, then do something constructively. So, stay above one-off events & look back to gain the perspective ‘this too shall pass’.
- Its proof that you are live & kicking. Even if you are perfect–literally perfect, with no reason for anyone to do anything other than love you–some people will hate you simply because you ARE perfect. Such is envy.
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Keep your goals above them. To avoid criticism do nothing, say nothing, think nothing. No matter what you do or do not, they will anyway judge, that’s their bad habit.
- Its not the critic who counts, its YOU THE DOER. If you are not a coward, you would be realistic/rational in expectations. When the world is unfair, we do get knocked off & should there be a reason for that? Moreover, there is no effort without error & shortcoming. Get tough with your emotions by exposing to more of adversity. Answer back accusations cooly: ‘wait & watch for the truth to reveal‘.
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Declare your independence from the good or bad opinions of others. Only you know what great high you felt pursuing your earnest decision. You would’nt have reached the end if you have’nt been enjoying the ride. REJOICE! you have already become the worthy one to deserve the experience of daring greatly. When annoyed by someone’s remarks, ask yourself, “Am I living according to my own values?” If you are, criticism slides off more easily.
How to counter unjust criticisms:
- Collect facts to ascertain injustice, then negotiate: “If I sought to answer all the criticisms, I would have no time for constructive work. Since I feel you have a genuine good will & your criticisms are sincerely put forth, I want to answer in patient & reasonable terms”:Martin Luther King Jr. “If I care to listen to every criticism, let alone act on them, then this shop may as well be closed for all other businesses. I have learned to do my best, and if the end result is good then I do not care for any criticism, but if the end result is not good, then even the praise of ten angels would not make the difference”:Abraham Lincoln
- Civil disobedience: create a crisis & tension that forces non-negotiators to confront the issue & rise from bias to understanding. Bring to the surface the hidden tension that is already alive, to the light of human conscience and the air of everyone’s opinion, where it can be seen and dealt with. [It is wrong to urge an individual to cease his efforts to gain his self-esteem because the quest may precipitate disharmony] Unlike individuals, privileged groups seldom voluntarily give up their unjust posture. It has to be demanded by the oppressed.
- Time is always ripe to do right: Justice too long delayed is justice denied. Lukewarm acceptance, is much more bewildering than outright rejection, from those who are more devoted to “order/ absence of tension” than to positive peace: justice; who paternalistically believes he can set the timetable for another man’s freedom; who lives by a mythical concept of time. Time itself is neutral, it can be used either destructively or constructively. Now is the time to make real the promise, without this hard work, time itself becomes an ally of the forces of stagnation: complacency from lack of self-respect, despair from lack of support, insensitivity out of some marginal gain & hatred from advocated violence.
- Injustice must be rooted out by strong, persistent and determined action: Anything that degrades human personality is unjust. When living constantly plagued with inner fears & outer resentments, there comes a time, endurance runs over, no longer willing to be plunged into the abyss of despair. If repressed emotions are not released in nonviolent ways, they will seek expression through violence; this is not a threat but a fact of history. This normal and healthy discontent can be channeled into the creative outlet of nonviolent direct action: standing up for what is the truth, nothing more nor less.
Filed under: UNIVERSAL , COUNTER, CRITICISM, DISSENT, HURT, INJUSTICE, MISUNDERSTANDING, RESPOND, TURBULENCE
